I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
