from now on my penis is your penis
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I smell like Dick and happiness
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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