Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
