Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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