Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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