i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
