Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
