its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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