Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
