there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
