he puts the penis in happiness.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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