Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
