this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
