I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
