what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
