The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
