Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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