I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've blown a few things in my day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
