in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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