what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
