If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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