He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
