Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
