Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
