it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
