thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
