You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
