I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
