You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
