So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize