I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize