Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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