Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
