just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am available for nakedness
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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