you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
