i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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