you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
