Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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