honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
