i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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