One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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