By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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