he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
