I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i've created a new STD.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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