my sisters under your porch take her home
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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