I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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