Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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