Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
