Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
