we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
