Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
