i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
