No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
