Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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