so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
