I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize