I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
try to milk me bitch
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