Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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