At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize