I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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