jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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