Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
