Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bring me that man meat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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