Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
