I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No subtext here. People are naked.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
