Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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