it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
