Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
