i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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