Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
