I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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