your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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