I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..