So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do