just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.