So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...