So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY