Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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